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This period represents a ten-year milestone since the phrase “disappearing” hit the public consciousness. Back then, the notion that someone could abruptly cease all contact with a partner without any notice seemed like the height of disrespect. Our innocence was charming. In the decade since, finding a mate has only become more bewildering – an commonly pointless exercise in awkwardness that is increasingly defined by online slang.

Zoomers, a demographic who grew up during a social isolation crisis, a masculinity reckoning, and a coordinated challenge on the freedoms of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a far messier terrain than their Gen Y predecessors could ever envision. And so their romantic lexicon has grown more elaborate and more deranged, with phrases like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” pushing the boundaries of your sanity.

The following list is a comprehensive breakdown to the phrases Zoomers is using to talk about love, sex and the quest of both. To channel one of the year’s most viral online sayings, by the conclusion of this glossary you’ll ache to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – According to Zoomers, romance's ideal is showing up as your real, raw self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Avian theory – A social media test loosely based on a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something minor – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your partner’s response is engaged or dismissive. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while radiating mystery and independence. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This signifies choosing someone who supports you unprompted. If you entered a room, they would fetch a seat for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A outing where two people form a link while handling tasks, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how broke twentysomethings do low-cost romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Melting down – Melting down when you feel burdened by life. You can spiral over a crush or breakup, dumping all of your (unrequited) feelings.

The Letter D

Dink – Dual income no kids. Once a signifier of 1980s yuppie affluence, it refers to partners who opt out of having children to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of being guarded: utilizing dialogue, transparency and openness.

The Letter F

Flags

• Danger signals – Behavioral quirks signaling a potential partner is bad news. Examples include calling their exes crazy, subpar gratuity habits, a love of controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Positive signs – These actions confirm your choice to date a partner. Such as checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal phone use, owning a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These usually describe specific, mostly benign quirks. For instance being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still keeping a pen in their wallet, paying the rent in cash …

Niche bonding – When you meet someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the WWII or physical media hoarding or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who hates the same stuff or individuals that you do (nothing fosters closeness faster than sharing a common enemy).

G

Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend likes.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of disappearing.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and devoted. The uncommon boyfriend who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online community of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, purposefully postponing climax so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A trend describing many women’s increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An ideal touted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and happily domestic, who apparently has no goals of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Ick factors – Random and usually everyday repulsions that instantly extinguish any feelings of interest.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an extremely thoughtful gesture.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in sectors they believe are being staffed by the more caring among us: nurses, educators or counselors.

K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has been around for 16 million years. But the era of kissing may be numbered since some Zoomers desire fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy realistic.

Light catfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {